Can we fast forward?

What. The. Hell?

I'm not sure if my frustration is with the fact that I still watch the audition shows or with the absolute ridiculousness of this year's auditions and parade of celebrity judges.

The guy who is a bit like the serial killer who skins girls in Silence of the Lambs just finished his audition. At some point, couldn't the producers decide to just feature people who can actually sing and make the idea of competition possible? Generally, the audition process helps start to look for standouts one can root for on the actual show; this year, the focus is SO much on the odd ducks that I don't remember one person who has received a golden ticket.

Regarding judges, I think we need a whole new crop. Randy is as useless as ever; Kara seems to have developed a case of Parkinson's whenever she likes someone; Simon is as curt as ever (which I'm actually not minding). Kara also has a knack for looking off camera whenever she does something silly. Is she trying to impress someone? And then the celebrity judges that don't seem to do much. Shania Twain has been the only judge that has added much in terms of helpful advice for people. The rest - even Kristin Chenoweth who I adore - seem to be seat fillers.

I need a time machine to just get to the actual show.

A big welcome to... oh, she's gone.

They certainly are zipping through a manic array of celebrity guest judges this year, aren't they? Shania Twain = smart, articulate, kind, and musically insightful. Go figure! Avril Lavigne, you are silly; please go away. Katy Perry is adorable, but I'm too blinded by the Katy/Kara/Kleavage to notice what anyone is saying. Nonetheless, watching Katy lay down the skillful snark on Kara is delightfully satisfying.

Why do the screening producers/judges put through so many bad singers who are merely bad (as opposed to weirdos who are entertainingly horrid or bizarre)? And couldn't we hear a little more good, a little less bad??

Does anyone know when Ellen shows up? Will she be there for Hollywood week, or just the big shebang?

Hey, WAIT. Was that a little glimpse of NPH for tomorrow night???

Posh? Gosh!

Lookin' good, Zombie Spice.

Where's Paula?

I'll miss Paula. I really will. Yeah, we had all those years of the crazy cup, but last year she was the most generous AND lucid of the four judges. I like Simon when he's critical and correct, but too often last year he was just cranky and wrong. And I suppose you've all heard by now that he's quitting after this year. And Ellen's not going to be at the try-outs. Love her, but I'm skeptical about her as an AI judge. And we're back to a final 24, after the clunky 36 of last year. And Posh Becks sits in on the auditions tonight; I wonder how that will go. Can't wait to hear all your snark as the 2010 ball gets rolling....

Oh, hey; you're right. I didn't say anything about Randy and Kara. *whistles tunelessly, looks at sky*

It's coming...

Are you out there? It's me, Brandon.

The new season is starting soon, and I hope everyone is getting their snark pants out of storage. (Not that, I'm sure, any of us have been completely "unsnarky" since the season ended.) To think of all the new people to make fun of!