Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The five levels of Idol performance

Completely Entertaining
Crystal

Mostly Entertaining
Lee

Not Really Entertaining, But Not Quite Objectionable
The Outlaw Casey James
Big Mike
Tim

So Soul-Crushingly Boring As To Be Objectionable
Siobhan
Katie
Aaron

Entirely Objectionable
Andrew

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Style over Substance

Have you noticed that, even though he's all lispy and quiet and sensitive and dorky, Aaron Kelly always stands as though he's hung like a stallion?

Katie has really nice teeth. She also has a great rack.

Heather has already spoken to this (on twitter?): ixnay on the ecknay attootays. And why is Andrew always in clothes that look just a little bit too small for him?

They call him "Big Mike" because his name is Mike, and he's big.
Non sequitur of the night: "I think Simon wants to challenge me to a pec contest."

Kara likes the word "relevant" tonight.
Wow, shilling Fox, Glee, and Coke all within a few moments!

Are Crystal's dingy teeth part of her earthy street cred?
Weirdest theme in this year's contestants: weak or missing eyeteeth.

Tim is pretty. Pretty vacuous! HAR HAR I think he's the fifth Monkee.

Simon just said "whingeing." Britishisms FTW!

Casey James looks like a Jesus Christ Superstar understudy who pays the bills with his job as a waiter at the country club. Where he gets a little sumthin' on the side from the tennis MILFs.

Siobhan is like one of those girls in a romantic teen comedy: she's going to take off her glasses and pull out her hair scrunchy and suddenly be the hot chick no one ever noticed before.

"Earl the Hugger." Really?

Lee and Andrew are dating?? Nice! I hope Andrew likes bagpipes....