So You Think You Can Snark

If anyone is still checking in, this blog is now being temporarily re-purposed for the summer. Bring your best snark to the joy that is SYTYCD.

Have you caught up with all the recaps and interviews over at Idolatry? Adam's interviews are so charming. He comes off as so much more "Christian" than Gokey, to no one's surprise. I think at least a little tiny bit of his amiability must be carefully crafted image control and marketing, but you can't completely fake that for 20 minutes of straight interview -- I think the guy is just sweet, down-to-earth, and likable. For real.

Now a little retro snark. Everyone gives David Cook credit for changing up Idol and bringing crazy offbeat arrangements to the stage, forcing everyone else to up their game. Okay, fair enough. But didn't Blake do a good bit of that the season before?? I'm thinking Time of the Season, or You Give Love a Bad Name. Just sayin'.

So. Who do you like on SYTYCD so far? Are you as irritated as I am that they wasted all that time on Sex and that stupid dance-off instead of showing us more great dancing? Weren't those Utah hip-hop brothers about the most adorably, unselfconsciously bromantic duo ever? I've watched Nathan's (red shorts, black socks) audition about six times now... and then he's not old enough!! What's that song he's dancing to? Love it. And then there's Shakiro....

I really like tap dancing. And I adore Kat Deely. And if you haven't watched the Glee pilot yet, go download it NOW.

Really?

I'm deflated. I love Kris (have I mentioned I want him to put a baby in me? Really? No?) but Adam was robbed.

better boobies

I'm glad Pauler's got some support tonight for the twins -- last night I was worried they were resting on her lap.

I still love Norman.

How did Lil Rounds get anywhere again?

Mercury in retrograde

This is actually a comment to Gregory's post and Lisa's comment. Damn Mercury is in retrograde and when I tried to post my comment, it wouldn't post. For the record, this is the fourth computer-related issue I've had today (one in which my laptop may or may not have had a fast, yet painful, death). Also, Jillynn's breast pump malfunctioned. Just say'n.


I like most of the stripped downedness EXCEPT lack of cheesy group numbers and contestant background/hobby info. I agree with Lisa about the duets and that the judges need to be shushed and stop hogging up the spotlight.

I'll be happy with either winner - I genuinely like them both, but I'm a an Adam fan at heart. Jillynn pegged it tonight when she said that Adam reminds her of David Bowie. Speaking of which, my spoiler source says there are rumors of Bowie performing on the finale, but she doesn't think it's true (but if it were, how fabulous would that be???) - same rumor re: KISS.

More spoiler news: confirmed performers include David Cook, Queen Latifa, Black Eyed Peas, Carlos Santana, Keith Urban, Lionel Richie, Jason Mraz, Cyndi Lauper.

I want Kara to go away. I want Randy to stay. I heart Simon and think that Paula makes for excellent tv.

Win-Win

Both of these guys are so likeable, so pitch-perfect (literally and metaphorically), so genuinely humble and talented and entertaining, that I'm not feeling any angst at all. At this point I honestly have no preference.

Randy looks quirky-dressy. Kara looks fine. Simon looks sharp and distinguished.
Paula: Too much beach time during the freak heat-wave, or tanning bed disaster? The frosty lip-gloss is nice, but the neon green satin??

Gokey is sporting the Cowell t-shirt look. Blrg.

Mad World - Wow, how does he sing so cleanly so consistently? - pure and perfect.
Adam has such a sweet smile; I can totally picture that spazzy six-year-old.

Ain't No Sunshine - what a cool arrangement, delivered with such confidence.
Kris's humble, abashed look after Simon's compliments made me well up!

Adam does the Blues! Have we heard him do something like this before? Nice!

(I am so pumped for Glee. It better not let me down.)
Am I supposed to know all these audience members they keep showing in and out of breaks? No, I'm not talking about Anthony Hopkins.

This is my favorite Kris: jazzy, jangly acoustic guitar; jeans and t-shirt; smooth, effortless crooning.

(Just an aside: Did this season seemed more serious and stripped down to you? No two-hour episodes, no Idol Gives Back, no ridiculous lingering on the guest mentors' lives and projects. Fewer silly group numbers, fewer interviews in the Coca-Cola staging area [or whatever they call that place], fewer interminable video packages about hobbies and hometowns. I liked that we were a little more focused on just the singing this year. Or am I completely wrong?)

Aaaggghh! The return of the air-clapping swaybots!
Kara's song is Krap.
How cute are the boys, giving each other side-hugs and props at the end of the show?

Any spoilers about surprise guests tomorrow, anyone???

highlarious

Place your bids!

Tears

Why is it that Gokey bothers me so much? I'm sure he really is a nice guy, but I have actually no feeling for him whatsoever. During his "Gokey Day" reel, I could have cared less. But during Kris's and Glambert's reels, I was teary. Something that seemed to stand out in their reels was the amount of little kids who were so excited to see them. I don't even particularly like little kids, but I thought this was incredibly touching.

I had totally forgotten about Jordin Sparks. I can't say I tried to remember anything about why I might have liked her since I fast forwarded through her performance. And I'm sure Katy Perry was great with all the Vegas stuff, but I breezed by.

As people can imagine, I am more than thrilled for my boyfriend and Glambert.

Yes we Kanye!

Gokey can not scat. Gokey can not dance. And yet Paula calls him magic. Twice. Lisa's comparing Gokey to Hicks is apropos, since Gokey is copping dance moves from the Taylor squat-and-bounce. Why ARE the judges so Danny-delirious?? Do they think he will sell records?? Gokey, shut up while Ryan is trying to give America your digits. No, wait; just SHUT UP, period.

I'm getting really excited for Glee. Because I'm a choir nerd who loved HSM. Sue me.
Oh, snap. Simon insulted "that dance show" and the head judge of SYTYCD is in the audience!

I like Kris more than I like this song. The melody line is too static to let him show off much. Kara says it's "competent." Bitch.

Simon and Bono are phone friends. Neat.

Even when Adam is standing perfectly still, he's still dramatic!!! It's like he's doing the melancholy reflective sad turning-point ballad in some big-budget West End musical.

Fast forwarded through charity bit. Stopped for SYTYCD promo.
You're so shallow, Greg Brady.

"You Are So Beautiful" ??? blrg. Okay, I really like the arrangement. Gokey does much better in man clothes sitting on a stool than he does in boy clothes trying to dance. "I'm not gonna over-analyze things." Are you kidding me?? That's all he does! SHUT UP.

Kris does Kanye! OH YEAH!! Man, that was gutsy and COOL. If voters are paying attention to the singing (and not the judges' incomprehensible Gokey-pimping), Kris just might have a shot.

Aero Glambert makes it look so effortless. Don't like the song, don't like the screaminess, don't like his tongue... and I still like the performance. He looks ready for this to be over.

Do we like Kara's flat hair tonight?

I think it's still anybody's game. I'm making no predictions.
Shallow AND gutless.

Judges are watching a different show

WTF is up with the judges and Gokey? A "masterclass"? The only masterclass Gokey can teach is in douchebaggery. I still can't get over the fact that he survived the massacre of Dream On (and acting like a prima donna during his "duet"); that Alison got sent home after a perfectly capable version of Cry Baby (A Woman Left Lonely would've been my Janis choice for her) and a rockin' duet is still chapping my butt. But comparing him to Terence Trent D'Arby? Holy craphat.

I can't say as I thought any of the judges' picks performances were that great; but Kris' second song (Heartbreaker?) was flat out FANTASTIC. To this point I thought he was aight, but that was da bomb. For me, for you. Dude.

I wasn't that excited by Adam's Cryin', even though I love the song. But I'm willing to overlook a so-so interpretation because I suspect it was a giant fuck you to Gokey -- you can't hack Aerosmith, dickwad? Here's your Aerosmith!

I'm once again utterly too emotionally invested in this damn show. I almost hope Gokey wins so they can have another Taylor Hicks level dud on their hands.

Brandon, thanks for the pointer to Idolatry at EW -- I'm obsessive about it now, and followed Michael Slezak's liveblogging of last week's results show.

That's my boy!

I was nervous for Kris after last night, so imagine the girlish squeal I let out when he was named to the top three. Glambert was no surprise, but I am kind of surprised about Glasses Gokey. Yes, he was championed all season, but last night's performance wasn't so great. I thought Allison was at least a bit in her element with the rock sound. However, now I can just hope the Ghoulish Widower goes home next week, so that I'll be fine with whomever wins. It was at about this time last season that I stopped caring completely. Actually, that's a lie. I stopped caring after Carly Smithson was booted, and I could have cared less about the Davids.

But I digress.

I Tivoed most of tonight's show. I did happen to stop during Paula's performance. I wish I hadn't. It's nice that her face was in shadow most of the time so no one could see bad lip synching.

Gregory mentioned what kinds of albums these people will release. It's obvious I'm not interested in Gokey's, but of course I wish him well. (I'm not a complete asshole.) Kris would definitely have a Jack Johnson vibe which would be fine. But I agree about Adam. I don't know what his album would be, and I'm not sure I want an album that is full os the high notes. I think that would get old. But ultimately here's the deal. No matter how much I like someone during the season, I rarely buy any of their music post season. While I have Kelly Clarkson CDs and one of Carrie Underwood's, they've been given to me (legally... ahem). I bought Katharine McPhee's first recording (of Over the Rainbow), but her album was nothing like she seemed on the show, so I avoided the actual release. So, will I buy this music even thought I've wasted months of my life rooting people on? Unlikely.

Karagasms

Love Adam. Loved the duet concept. Loved the duet with Adam and Allison.

Sorry, Brandon, but I think your loverboy Kris might be going home. But only on account of this not being his, as Pauler would say, JONruh (they should ask her to spell 'genre' some time, just to see what happens). I honestly think that Danny bit it more than Kris did, but there are too many voters out there hoping to be his next dead wife.

What was up with Ryan telling Simon to "put the lighter away" like five times? That was code, right?

I had something funny to say, but I forgot what it was. Stoopid cold medicine.

In what is undoubtedly the most un-rock and roll thing Slash has ever done . . .

Slash! I think he scares Danny.

Adam: Eff yeah, he's singing Led Zeppelin! I love this song. At the top it sounds a little *too* much like Robert Plant. My only complaint is that he should be dripping sex when he sings this song and I'm not sure he's doing it for me. But CHEESE AND CRACKERS this kid can sing.

Allison: I really wish she had chosen to sing Grace Slick. She sounds great, but I feel like we've heard this from her before. Oh Kara, it's like you're in costume! Third grade me loves it. Allison is so composed for someone her age. I hope she has a career after this. I feel bad for Gokey and Kris, having to follow these two.

I LOVE DUETS. They both sound strained, no? Yikes, Kris sounds sorta bad. Do you think Kara stopped with the "package" gibberish because she got so thoroughly called out that night? Paula's rack looks terrific tonight. She should stick with whoever taped them tonight.

Kris: Come together. I wouldn't have chosen this song. My guess is the judges will say the same. I'm underwhelmed, though I'd still like him to put a baby in me. Simon says it was "rather like eating ice for lunch." We have been sadly lacking in these kind of analogies all season.

Danny is going to sing Dream On! I'm curious if he'll be able to pull this off, as this is another song where the proverbial cock needs to be out. Gokey has zero sex appeal, so color me skeptical. His voice sounds half gone--I'm guessing because of practicing that ending. OUCH. I hate this. Awful, awful, awful. Dream on, indeed.

Duet! Slow Ride! This is *so* Allison and Adam's show, letting them bookend like this. I'm all goosebumpy. I want these two to go on tour and just do this all night. Their unbridled giddiness is adorable.

Going home: Kris or Allison, sadly. The poor girl can't seem to catch a break.

I'm sorry I've been so absent--everyone's snark has been so great and comment-worthy and I've been swamped with house buying stuff. It's hard being an HGTV star-wannabe.

Now things get messy

No, I'm not talking about Paula's behavior or Randy's comments or Kara's squinty analytical face or Simon's increasingly bad haircut....

Who's going home this week?? I'd be voting for GhoulishWidower in a heartbeat, but I know he has a huge following, which might mean KutieKris or RockerMoppet. Or heck, even Glambert, since he was in the bottom three last week.

Can't we just have Kris, Allison, and Adam sing fun songs for us, week after week?