I feel bad for whoever had to clean up the kitchen. Somehow that food fight had scripted written all over it.
Woah. Paula's boobs are certainly perky tonight.
Re: Gokey's glasses. How does someone afford so many pairs of glasses? I'm glad to have some insurance that helps me buy new glasses every couple of years. I don't think these are dollar store glasses.
I'm nervous if Kris has to stand by Matt. Obviously whichever side Adam goes to will be the safe side. I don't even know why I'm watching right now. AI is going to play with my emotions for the next 45 minutes. Woah. Adam's in the bottom three. Cue shocked expressions from everyone. Would it be crazy if Adam is sent home, and the judges wasted their save on Matt?
Oh... my... God. "My mouth went open again. That's what happens." Oh, Kara. You didn't.
I wonder if Natalie Cole likes sharing the marquee with Taylor Hicks. They seem like different calibers of performers. SOUL PATROL! I'm still shocked he won season five.
I just clapped like a seal. Yay Kris!
Goodbye, Matt. Maybe Natalie Cole could come back and sing "Unforgettable"... oh wait. That goes against everything I said in my last post. Awww, I do feel bad for him. He's crying. Sad tears.
On to next week with the legendary Slash. Good times. Hard core.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Deeeeeep as a Reeeeeever
Thank God for Tivo. I was too busy watching Anne Boleyn get her head chopped off in season two of "The Tudors" to watch AI last night.
I must have a different idea of "good" than the judges. Everyone knows I have a crush on Kris, so it should be no surprise that his performance made me feel funny in tummy. I just think his voice is smooooooth. Most judges agreed; Simon, of course, thinks he can't win.
Then, bring on Allison. She has been the dark horse of the season, and I loved her performance. Most judges agreed, Simon told her she was in trouble. Meanwhile, the judges - specifically Randy and Kara - have complete lost control of standard English. "Don't let nobody blah blah" and "Blah blah ain't blah blah. (Did Kara almost snap her fingers and bob her head?)
And then Gokey arrives. I'm sorry. I actually liked the first part of the song, but then I thought he turned into a drunk wedding singer. And what did the judges think? The best, the winner, blah blah. Come on, people! Kara mentioned diction to the one of the contestants. Let's talk about pronunciation here. "Deeeeeep as a reeeeeeeever." Reeeeeeever? Reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaly?
Wait. I forgot about what's his face who also got a rave from the judges. He was forgettable I literally forgot him!
And Adam arrives. I don't know if the Rat Pack ever sang this. Maybe Nina Simone was in the rat pack? Just because Michael Buble sings it doesn't make him a part of the rat pack. There's some Freddie Mercury-ish about his performance tonight. The swagger down the stairs? The bedroom eyes? I want to love him, but I get tired of the Screamy McScreamerson quality.
Randy's comment: "A little too theatrical... a little too Broadway." Why doesn't he just say what he's thinking. "The performance was gay." (And not in the stupid way my students use the word to mean "dumb." Literally, it was a performance I would see at a pride event.)
And I believe the ladies may have had an orgasm over his performance.
I don't know who's going home. I'm afraid for Kris and Allison because of Simon's comments, but I hope the forgettable one is booted. He was too pitchy, dawg. Okay, his name is Matt. It just came on the screen again.
I must have a different idea of "good" than the judges. Everyone knows I have a crush on Kris, so it should be no surprise that his performance made me feel funny in tummy. I just think his voice is smooooooth. Most judges agreed; Simon, of course, thinks he can't win.
Then, bring on Allison. She has been the dark horse of the season, and I loved her performance. Most judges agreed, Simon told her she was in trouble. Meanwhile, the judges - specifically Randy and Kara - have complete lost control of standard English. "Don't let nobody blah blah" and "Blah blah ain't blah blah. (Did Kara almost snap her fingers and bob her head?)
And then Gokey arrives. I'm sorry. I actually liked the first part of the song, but then I thought he turned into a drunk wedding singer. And what did the judges think? The best, the winner, blah blah. Come on, people! Kara mentioned diction to the one of the contestants. Let's talk about pronunciation here. "Deeeeeep as a reeeeeeeever." Reeeeeeever? Reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaly?
Wait. I forgot about what's his face who also got a rave from the judges. He was forgettable I literally forgot him!
And Adam arrives. I don't know if the Rat Pack ever sang this. Maybe Nina Simone was in the rat pack? Just because Michael Buble sings it doesn't make him a part of the rat pack. There's some Freddie Mercury-ish about his performance tonight. The swagger down the stairs? The bedroom eyes? I want to love him, but I get tired of the Screamy McScreamerson quality.
Randy's comment: "A little too theatrical... a little too Broadway." Why doesn't he just say what he's thinking. "The performance was gay." (And not in the stupid way my students use the word to mean "dumb." Literally, it was a performance I would see at a pride event.)
And I believe the ladies may have had an orgasm over his performance.
I don't know who's going home. I'm afraid for Kris and Allison because of Simon's comments, but I hope the forgettable one is booted. He was too pitchy, dawg. Okay, his name is Matt. It just came on the screen again.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Gatsby had a cell phone
Yes, it's true. I have prioritized my own fatigue and child-rearing over blogging these past few weeks. But I HAVE been watching! And I even took a few notes the other night, but didn't have a chance to post until after the results and then wondered if my commentary was still relevant...what would Pauler say? Would Pauler tell me that I'm relevant? I learned about relevance in librarian action-figure school and, honestly, I don't think my post-results commentary would cut the mustard/be a strike given their anachronistic nature. But, hey! Sometimes Romans wear wristwatches, right?
Word on the street is that there is Pauler contract drama in happy Coke-cup land. Please oh please, Pauler, stay and utter nonsensical jibberish and clap your hands like a toddler. You are such good tv and you singlehandedly make the AI drinking game well worth playing.
Lil/"Little" (borrowed Simon-snark) is a goner. She should have done a Donna Summer song - she even had a Donna Summer hairdo - all she needed were some spangly pants and good coke...how hard can those be to come by in Hollywood? (answer: not at all).
Kris: What Kara said. I loved it - we've got a hot one in the house (and I don't even want to hump his leg). OMG, did Pauler just call him a transvestite? That's golden. He seemed to take it pretty well, too. I like him even more now. I think this is the first time I've been way jazzed about his performance - yay Kris! (plus I love that he spells his name the girl's way).
I love how many contetants are pulling a David Cook and drastically changing up the arrangements in crazy-ass ways - makes it less boring, even when it doesn't work so well (hi Anoop!).
Gokey: if I'd blogged about him last week (or was it the week prior?), I'd have pointed out how he glanced skyward at the end of his rendition of Endless Love. Talk about milking the dead wife! That was just downright sleazy. So much so that it was a little like cheating. After all, none of the other contestants have dead wives to factor into relevant song choices. For me for you, I just don't drink the Gokey Kool-Aid - even if it had a double shot of boozeriffic and Rohypnol.
Allison: I really like her. I want her to be Nico's babysitter and sing him to sleep. She likes to rough it up. You go, girl (but don't go home).
Adam: He looks like Michael Buble tonight. I loved his performance - I heart Adam. I might consider humping his leg. If Pauler says 'relevant', I'm gonna double-drink. She felt his pain - eh, that's worth a sip. (is Pauler off the sauce tonight?)
Matt: He redeemed himself enough to last another week.
Anoop has an Oprah 'A-ha moment': "Hey, fucking with the arrangement totally worked for David Cook and he won. It's also working for Adam and he's going to win. Maybe I should do that, too!" Poor, doomed Anoop.
For the record, I did correctly predict the two booted contestants. However, I should tell you about the mean trick Jillynn played on me on results night. I was at a dance performance with Kira and was not able to watch live and in person. So I did what any self-respecting AI fan would do: I asked Jillynn to text me and tell me who goes home so that I can just peep my messages after the performance. So I get six messages with play-by-play action telling me that Adam is going home, that everyone is shocked, that Pauler is crying...for the briefest moment (okay, not really; actually for awhile) I was totally buying it.
Word on the street is that there is Pauler contract drama in happy Coke-cup land. Please oh please, Pauler, stay and utter nonsensical jibberish and clap your hands like a toddler. You are such good tv and you singlehandedly make the AI drinking game well worth playing.
Lil/"Little" (borrowed Simon-snark) is a goner. She should have done a Donna Summer song - she even had a Donna Summer hairdo - all she needed were some spangly pants and good coke...how hard can those be to come by in Hollywood? (answer: not at all).
Kris: What Kara said. I loved it - we've got a hot one in the house (and I don't even want to hump his leg). OMG, did Pauler just call him a transvestite? That's golden. He seemed to take it pretty well, too. I like him even more now. I think this is the first time I've been way jazzed about his performance - yay Kris! (plus I love that he spells his name the girl's way).
I love how many contetants are pulling a David Cook and drastically changing up the arrangements in crazy-ass ways - makes it less boring, even when it doesn't work so well (hi Anoop!).
Gokey: if I'd blogged about him last week (or was it the week prior?), I'd have pointed out how he glanced skyward at the end of his rendition of Endless Love. Talk about milking the dead wife! That was just downright sleazy. So much so that it was a little like cheating. After all, none of the other contestants have dead wives to factor into relevant song choices. For me for you, I just don't drink the Gokey Kool-Aid - even if it had a double shot of boozeriffic and Rohypnol.
Allison: I really like her. I want her to be Nico's babysitter and sing him to sleep. She likes to rough it up. You go, girl (but don't go home).
Adam: He looks like Michael Buble tonight. I loved his performance - I heart Adam. I might consider humping his leg. If Pauler says 'relevant', I'm gonna double-drink. She felt his pain - eh, that's worth a sip. (is Pauler off the sauce tonight?)
Matt: He redeemed himself enough to last another week.
Anoop has an Oprah 'A-ha moment': "Hey, fucking with the arrangement totally worked for David Cook and he won. It's also working for Adam and he's going to win. Maybe I should do that, too!" Poor, doomed Anoop.
For the record, I did correctly predict the two booted contestants. However, I should tell you about the mean trick Jillynn played on me on results night. I was at a dance performance with Kira and was not able to watch live and in person. So I did what any self-respecting AI fan would do: I asked Jillynn to text me and tell me who goes home so that I can just peep my messages after the performance. So I get six messages with play-by-play action telling me that Adam is going home, that everyone is shocked, that Pauler is crying...for the briefest moment (okay, not really; actually for awhile) I was totally buying it.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Strikes and gutter balls
What?? I come home from a week in London and NO ONE has said a thing on Idol Snark the whole time? Just because you're all busy searching for jobs, raising babies, grading term papers, and being reality tv stars is no reason to ignore your Idol obligations. C'mon.
So, I just finished watching last night's disco party, and I'm taking a snark break before I watch tonight's results.
Lil is such a goner. They didn't even bother talking to her before her song, just launched right in as if to get it over with quickly. Yeah, it was kinda generic, but I actually thought it was pretty lively and fun. Nonetheless, the judges had their resigned sighs and disappointed comments pre-written and memorized, so all that junk inside that trunk (seriously, Lil; badonkadonk!) will almost certainly be going home, and that's probably right. Lil (defensively) reverted to the "I had fun" defense, before Simon had even had his turn to talk. Drink!
This was a delightful and surprising performance from Kris. I was just getting worried that it was too all-the-same when they dropped into that percussion break. Cool. (And speaking of cool: A plain white T? That's a lot of restraint for the styling department.) Kris might be my current favorite. I think Ryan has a little crush on him, too; they're just the right size for each other.
Gokey. Gak. He messed with all the best parts of the song, and not in a good way. And he lisps! Why do people with speech impediments make it to the finals on singing shows? Put the Go in Gokey! Please, America.
Allison's outfit, hair, makeup -- fabulous? or trainwreck? Discuss.
I like her. This wasn't my favorite performance from her, but still gutsy and fun.
Okay, I suppose Adam was amazing, but I want him to get back to uptempo stuff. He probably figured that turning a disco song into a ballad would make him stand out from the rest of the funk and earn him creativity points; too bad half the other contestants had similar ideas. Simon said the vocals were "immaculate," high praise indeed from the King of Snark. (But as Adam pouts, trembles, and emotes crocodile tears, I have to recall that he's a theater kid going way back.) I do love how humble Adam is without seeming gee-whiz who-me Mindy Doo about it. Way to give props to the band, arrangers, and vocal coaches week in, week out. Class act, dude.
I liked Matt's Saturday Night Timberlake vibe. I thought he might seem beaten down or cautious after nearly going home last week, but not so much. I think he might edge out Lil and Anoop to sing another day. Does he ALWAYS wear that hat? I don't remember.
Anoop: Lame. Totally forgettable. Going home.
So, have I just become accustomed to Paula-speak after all this time, or is she now a close second to Simon in relevance, creativity, and coherence? I loved her Men Who Shop in the Women's Department trope; enjoyed her Strikes and Gutterballs metaphor; and had to rewind when she said she's learned to trust her "visceral response." Really?? Go Paula!
Meanwhile, Kara just gets more annoyingly ridiculous. Notice that tonight the judges went back to the old strategy of speaking left to right each time rather than cycling through different orders, BUT, Kara messed it up and spoke first after Kris sang, despite Randy trying repeatedly to set her straight. For most of the show she just repeated anything Randy said, which is a horrible strategy since most of what Randy says is largely incoherent and devoid of meaning. And then she said Adam looked like "the guy from Saturday Night Live meets Clark Kent." Huh?
Randy IS right about one thing: all these guys can really sing, and vocally this is a very talented top seven. I think it comes down to which ones are the better all-around performers. That might sound like stating the obvious, but I don't think that's always been true in the past.
Okay, enough from me. If the rest of you can peel yourselves away from your hectic and grippingly engaging lives long enough to tap out a few comments, I'd be much obliged. Oh, and welcome to Tom, who comes highly recommended by Darla.
So, I just finished watching last night's disco party, and I'm taking a snark break before I watch tonight's results.
Lil is such a goner. They didn't even bother talking to her before her song, just launched right in as if to get it over with quickly. Yeah, it was kinda generic, but I actually thought it was pretty lively and fun. Nonetheless, the judges had their resigned sighs and disappointed comments pre-written and memorized, so all that junk inside that trunk (seriously, Lil; badonkadonk!) will almost certainly be going home, and that's probably right. Lil (defensively) reverted to the "I had fun" defense, before Simon had even had his turn to talk. Drink!
This was a delightful and surprising performance from Kris. I was just getting worried that it was too all-the-same when they dropped into that percussion break. Cool. (And speaking of cool: A plain white T? That's a lot of restraint for the styling department.) Kris might be my current favorite. I think Ryan has a little crush on him, too; they're just the right size for each other.
Gokey. Gak. He messed with all the best parts of the song, and not in a good way. And he lisps! Why do people with speech impediments make it to the finals on singing shows? Put the Go in Gokey! Please, America.
Allison's outfit, hair, makeup -- fabulous? or trainwreck? Discuss.
I like her. This wasn't my favorite performance from her, but still gutsy and fun.
Okay, I suppose Adam was amazing, but I want him to get back to uptempo stuff. He probably figured that turning a disco song into a ballad would make him stand out from the rest of the funk and earn him creativity points; too bad half the other contestants had similar ideas. Simon said the vocals were "immaculate," high praise indeed from the King of Snark. (But as Adam pouts, trembles, and emotes crocodile tears, I have to recall that he's a theater kid going way back.) I do love how humble Adam is without seeming gee-whiz who-me Mindy Doo about it. Way to give props to the band, arrangers, and vocal coaches week in, week out. Class act, dude.
I liked Matt's Saturday Night Timberlake vibe. I thought he might seem beaten down or cautious after nearly going home last week, but not so much. I think he might edge out Lil and Anoop to sing another day. Does he ALWAYS wear that hat? I don't remember.
Anoop: Lame. Totally forgettable. Going home.
So, have I just become accustomed to Paula-speak after all this time, or is she now a close second to Simon in relevance, creativity, and coherence? I loved her Men Who Shop in the Women's Department trope; enjoyed her Strikes and Gutterballs metaphor; and had to rewind when she said she's learned to trust her "visceral response." Really?? Go Paula!
Meanwhile, Kara just gets more annoyingly ridiculous. Notice that tonight the judges went back to the old strategy of speaking left to right each time rather than cycling through different orders, BUT, Kara messed it up and spoke first after Kris sang, despite Randy trying repeatedly to set her straight. For most of the show she just repeated anything Randy said, which is a horrible strategy since most of what Randy says is largely incoherent and devoid of meaning. And then she said Adam looked like "the guy from Saturday Night Live meets Clark Kent." Huh?
Randy IS right about one thing: all these guys can really sing, and vocally this is a very talented top seven. I think it comes down to which ones are the better all-around performers. That might sound like stating the obvious, but I don't think that's always been true in the past.
Okay, enough from me. If the rest of you can peel yourselves away from your hectic and grippingly engaging lives long enough to tap out a few comments, I'd be much obliged. Oh, and welcome to Tom, who comes highly recommended by Darla.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
one other thing
Does anyone think Paula is having someone write up her critiques ahead of time? Some of the music vocab she uses *could* make sense if she didn't mangle it. She's obviously coming prepared with talking points, I just wonder if she's trying to write them up herself or has a lackey to do that sort of thing. It's hard to imagine her looking up music terms on the innerweb.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Coulda, woulda, shoulda...
Lisping Widower could have done:
Call Me - Blondie
This Is It - Kenny Loggins
Sailing - Christopher Cross
I Wanna Be Your Lover - Prince
Jaw Jutter could have done:
Careless Whisper - Wham!
Take On Me - a-ha
Raspberry Beret - Prince and the Revolution
Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves
You're No Fantasia could have done:
Let's Hear it for the Boy - Deniece Williams
Lucky Star - Madonna
Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar
Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics
Noop Dawg could have done:
Hip to be Square - Huey Lewis and the News
We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off - Jermaine Stewart
Sweet Love - Anita Baker
Higher Love - Steve Winwood
Seven-mile Stare could have done:
All I Need - Jack Wagner
Fortress Around Your Heart - Sting
Cherish - Kool and the Gang
Every Time You Go Away - Paul Young
Teen Rocker could have done:
Life is a Highway - Tom Cochrane
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Finally - CeCe Peniston
Blowing Kisses in the Wind - Paula Abdul
Under the Radar could have done:
Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears
Smooth Operator - Sade
Who's Zoomin' Who? - Aretha Franklin
Party All the Time - Eddy Murphy
GlamGoth could have done:
Physical - Olivia Newton-John
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
Private Eyes - Daryl Hall and John Oates
Let it Whip - Dazz Band
Top to Bottom:
Adam, Allison, Matt, Anoop, Kris, Gokey, Scott, Lil
Can't believe Kris is in my bottom half, and Scott isn't my rock-bottom.
Call Me - Blondie
This Is It - Kenny Loggins
Sailing - Christopher Cross
I Wanna Be Your Lover - Prince
Jaw Jutter could have done:
Careless Whisper - Wham!
Take On Me - a-ha
Raspberry Beret - Prince and the Revolution
Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves
You're No Fantasia could have done:
Let's Hear it for the Boy - Deniece Williams
Lucky Star - Madonna
Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar
Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics
Noop Dawg could have done:
Hip to be Square - Huey Lewis and the News
We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off - Jermaine Stewart
Sweet Love - Anita Baker
Higher Love - Steve Winwood
Seven-mile Stare could have done:
All I Need - Jack Wagner
Fortress Around Your Heart - Sting
Cherish - Kool and the Gang
Every Time You Go Away - Paul Young
Teen Rocker could have done:
Life is a Highway - Tom Cochrane
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Finally - CeCe Peniston
Blowing Kisses in the Wind - Paula Abdul
Under the Radar could have done:
Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears
Smooth Operator - Sade
Who's Zoomin' Who? - Aretha Franklin
Party All the Time - Eddy Murphy
GlamGoth could have done:
Physical - Olivia Newton-John
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
Private Eyes - Daryl Hall and John Oates
Let it Whip - Dazz Band
Top to Bottom:
Adam, Allison, Matt, Anoop, Kris, Gokey, Scott, Lil
Can't believe Kris is in my bottom half, and Scott isn't my rock-bottom.
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