Gatsby had a cell phone

Yes, it's true. I have prioritized my own fatigue and child-rearing over blogging these past few weeks. But I HAVE been watching! And I even took a few notes the other night, but didn't have a chance to post until after the results and then wondered if my commentary was still relevant...what would Pauler say? Would Pauler tell me that I'm relevant? I learned about relevance in librarian action-figure school and, honestly, I don't think my post-results commentary would cut the mustard/be a strike given their anachronistic nature. But, hey! Sometimes Romans wear wristwatches, right?

Word on the street is that there is Pauler contract drama in happy Coke-cup land. Please oh please, Pauler, stay and utter nonsensical jibberish and clap your hands like a toddler. You are such good tv and you singlehandedly make the AI drinking game well worth playing.

Lil/"Little" (borrowed Simon-snark) is a goner. She should have done a Donna Summer song - she even had a Donna Summer hairdo - all she needed were some spangly pants and good coke...how hard can those be to come by in Hollywood? (answer: not at all).

Kris: What Kara said. I loved it - we've got a hot one in the house (and I don't even want to hump his leg). OMG, did Pauler just call him a transvestite? That's golden. He seemed to take it pretty well, too. I like him even more now. I think this is the first time I've been way jazzed about his performance - yay Kris! (plus I love that he spells his name the girl's way).

I love how many contetants are pulling a David Cook and drastically changing up the arrangements in crazy-ass ways - makes it less boring, even when it doesn't work so well (hi Anoop!).

Gokey: if I'd blogged about him last week (or was it the week prior?), I'd have pointed out how he glanced skyward at the end of his rendition of Endless Love. Talk about milking the dead wife! That was just downright sleazy. So much so that it was a little like cheating. After all, none of the other contestants have dead wives to factor into relevant song choices. For me for you, I just don't drink the Gokey Kool-Aid - even if it had a double shot of boozeriffic and Rohypnol.

Allison: I really like her. I want her to be Nico's babysitter and sing him to sleep. She likes to rough it up. You go, girl (but don't go home).

Adam: He looks like Michael Buble tonight. I loved his performance - I heart Adam. I might consider humping his leg. If Pauler says 'relevant', I'm gonna double-drink. She felt his pain - eh, that's worth a sip. (is Pauler off the sauce tonight?)

Matt: He redeemed himself enough to last another week.

Anoop has an Oprah 'A-ha moment': "Hey, fucking with the arrangement totally worked for David Cook and he won. It's also working for Adam and he's going to win. Maybe I should do that, too!" Poor, doomed Anoop.

For the record, I did correctly predict the two booted contestants. However, I should tell you about the mean trick Jillynn played on me on results night. I was at a dance performance with Kira and was not able to watch live and in person. So I did what any self-respecting AI fan would do: I asked Jillynn to text me and tell me who goes home so that I can just peep my messages after the performance. So I get six messages with play-by-play action telling me that Adam is going home, that everyone is shocked, that Pauler is crying...for the briefest moment (okay, not really; actually for awhile) I was totally buying it.