Deeeeeep as a Reeeeeever

Thank God for Tivo. I was too busy watching Anne Boleyn get her head chopped off in season two of "The Tudors" to watch AI last night.

I must have a different idea of "good" than the judges. Everyone knows I have a crush on Kris, so it should be no surprise that his performance made me feel funny in tummy. I just think his voice is smooooooth. Most judges agreed; Simon, of course, thinks he can't win.

Then, bring on Allison. She has been the dark horse of the season, and I loved her performance. Most judges agreed, Simon told her she was in trouble. Meanwhile, the judges - specifically Randy and Kara - have complete lost control of standard English. "Don't let nobody blah blah" and "Blah blah ain't blah blah. (Did Kara almost snap her fingers and bob her head?)

And then Gokey arrives. I'm sorry. I actually liked the first part of the song, but then I thought he turned into a drunk wedding singer. And what did the judges think? The best, the winner, blah blah. Come on, people! Kara mentioned diction to the one of the contestants. Let's talk about pronunciation here. "Deeeeeep as a reeeeeeeever." Reeeeeeever? Reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaly?

Wait. I forgot about what's his face who also got a rave from the judges. He was forgettable I literally forgot him!

And Adam arrives. I don't know if the Rat Pack ever sang this. Maybe Nina Simone was in the rat pack? Just because Michael Buble sings it doesn't make him a part of the rat pack. There's some Freddie Mercury-ish about his performance tonight. The swagger down the stairs? The bedroom eyes? I want to love him, but I get tired of the Screamy McScreamerson quality.

Randy's comment: "A little too theatrical... a little too Broadway." Why doesn't he just say what he's thinking. "The performance was gay." (And not in the stupid way my students use the word to mean "dumb." Literally, it was a performance I would see at a pride event.)

And I believe the ladies may have had an orgasm over his performance.

I don't know who's going home. I'm afraid for Kris and Allison because of Simon's comments, but I hope the forgettable one is booted. He was too pitchy, dawg. Okay, his name is Matt. It just came on the screen again.