The gods will throw the dice...

My ears shatter like ice...

I was going to wait until the end to blog, but holy crap, Arianna was terrible. I'm not sure any of those notes are in "The Winner Takes it All."

I wonder what the judges consider the perfect song for the perfect age. People are too young, too gloomy, too off key. They have so many standards it's almost like they work for the state department of education.

I still find I don't care about any of these people. I don't even remember most of them. Thankfully I get to be snarky tonight. I was supposed to judge a talent show, but it was canceled. Where would all of my snark have gone? I might have self combusted.

I think songs that were sung during Hollywood Week should be off limits. I feel like I've heard "Hey There, Delilah" way too much in the last month. Ju'not's not doing much to change my mind on this, d'y'know?

How many diamonds or rhinestones is Paula wearing? Does Simon actually pay attention to anything? He doesn't know Ju'not's name, he doesn't remember people from Hollywood week - he's like me. Oh.My.God.

Why am I so lukewarm on these people? Kristen certainly isn't Tracy Chapman, but she's okay... until that shriek at the end. The judges are full of backhanded compliments... or maybe just backhands? "You have a nice voice and range, but your clothing is ugly as hell." They might as well say, "Well, if that dress makes you happy..." in the way my mom would when she disapproves of something I'm doing.

Oh, Nathaniel. Cue tears and headbands! How many headbands is he wearing? I think those are headbands. Oh, Lord. That first note was bad. Does he have fangs? I can't really concentrate on his song because I am so horrified by his outfit. I wonder if my students think that about me sometimes? His grandma looks cute.

I'm distracted by Randy and Paula's watches. They're a bit OTT. And Simon's hair is driving me crazy. It's so Flowbee. And even with Paula's weirdness, at least she is the only person who actually seems to remember the audition process.

Felicia - I think I like her. I think I'm going to vote for her.

I hope Scott's brother helps guide Scott around. He's pretty. Unfortunately, I think Scott will be going home. Yo, dawg, he's a bit pitchy, yo. And now the judges will hump his leg. I'm sorry, but I don't think he was good. Are the judges talking him up so that maybe we'll have a final two of The Guy Whose Wife Died vs. The Blind Guy?

I think Kendall looks like Kristin Chenowith? Anyone? Is that allusion too Broadway? The microphone matches Kendall's mom's jacket.

Jorge's eyebrows are ridonkulous. Imagine what a stylist will do to those if he makes the final 12. I think he's singing the shit out of this song, though. Go, Jorge! Standing O from Paula! Paula is spreading her fingers like she's a vulcan. Kara is taking over the spirtual wackiness and made him cry. Wowza. Jorge's kind of precious.

Lil Rounds. Lil Brandon. I could pull it off. I'm not digging the rooster 'do, but she's got a great voice and stage presence. Damn, girl. Best performance of the night.

I just tried voting, but all lines are busy. That's cool. I must say I enjoyed the performances tonight more than I've enjoyed the last couple of weeks. On to the results show!