Somebody's smokey, but it's not any of the singers.

That’s nice they gift-wrapped Paula. She wants to see them “challenge their artistic integrity” tonight. What does that even mean?

Matt: My guess is that they will not compare him to JT this week because he’s not wearing a hat. Annnnnnd, I’m right. He was fine, but it was definitely a cover, not his spin on things. Paula says “your riffs are not whorish,” essentially. They are classy and tasteful, and who is she backhandedly slamming here?

Moppet: I want him to put a baby in me.

The Blind Guy: Someone in wardrobe is having a laugh with him tonight. I wish Phil Collins was singing this. Or Phil Donohue. Anybody else. This is actually bad, not just the usual boring. It’s funny because he doesn’t know what pink looks like!

Anoop!: That was fairly forgettable.

Spaz: Oof, that was trainwreck and there’s no Influenza B (are they a new sponsor or something?) to blame this time. Perhaps that’s what Paula was mainlining two weeks ago?

Oil rigger: Ick. This could not be stiffer or less soulful.

Li’l Rounds: She sounds strained and all over the place. She’s a better singer than this. She looks terrific, though. I agree with Randy that this sounded rushed.

Adam: He’s having a Zac Efron moment, but I love this. But I loved him last week, too. “I have six words for you: one of the best performances of the night.” That’s eight, if anyone is counting. “You’re not a rocker, whatever.” –Randy. Out of the mouths of babes, all that.

Dead Wife: Is he the second coming of Taylor Hicks, or what?

Allison: The only person to own a song tonight. Brava, miss.

Going home: Spaz or Oil rigger. Or The Blind Guy, if a girl could wish, in which case there’d be a pony in my living room right now. I adore how freaked out Kara is by this performance. OH MY GOD, Paula has a pen mustache on her face. She and Simon are either smoking peyote or doing it. Possibly both.